These past 2 weeks I’ve been experiencing life as a single mother, working more than 1 job (my new day job and my freelance job), while my husband has been away for 2 weeks on a business trip. It’s been rather emotional. I’m a well balanced, happy, relaxed type of person and I enjoy life at my own pace. I stop and take the time to chat with Littlelish, to admire the cloud formations and refresh myself by gazing out over sunny fields (yes I’m a dreamer!). I like to enjoy the little moments, moments of stillness, moments of reflection and moments of togetherness. This gives me peace in my heart and undoubtedly make me a happier, more pleasant person.
I do not manage very well when life runs away with me, when I have to motor at an incredible speed through the day just to get places on time and everything ticked off my checklist. Then my days are fast paced, hectic and not that enjoyable. I’m sure for many of you this is normal every day life and I really admire you for being able to manage it all. After having Littlelish I was introduced to a whole new world, a slower one where you can really be in the moment and not thinking about all the things still to do on your checklist, what next? To me this is a beautiful way to live and it has helped me grow and become much happier for it. I am complete when I have more time to be the person I want to be rather than some stressed out, scatty, maniac women….
So this week I’ve learnt what is good for me and what is not. I know my limits. Down time at some point in the day is important to me and working during the day and during the evening is not ideal. Mostly I’ve learnt to absolutely savour my moments with Littlelish and push everything to the back of my mind when she is talking so I can be in the moment with her :)
One of those such moments this week, Littlelish and I were in the bath together. She turned to me and said “Mummy I am scared of dying. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die alone, will you die with me, Mummy? I won’t be able to remember anything and who will have my stuff?” Pretty heavy conversation to have with a 3 year old I think you’ll agree so I just assured her there was nothing to be afraid of and she would grow to be an old lady with a family of her own and she would have children to pass her things onto. This made her happier and she repeated that she did indeed want to be an old lady and have children. I tried to remain strong and matter of fact for her so as not to leave a trace of fear but all this talk of mortality did leave me a bit wobbly.
Only this evening, after paying a visit to my grandma, who together with my mum did something very sweet for me (a real gesture of kindness) did I realise something. When I thanked her for her kindness she said to me “But that’s what I’ve been put on this earth to do, take care of all of you” and I realised that she was right. And so while we might have jobs to do, bills to pay, houses to clean, dreams and aspirations, we’ve all been put here on this earth to be first and foremost mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers to each other. Family is everything. And taking a line from one of my favourite songs (I’m Yours) simply because it was playing when I was giving birth to Littlelish: “We’re just one big family.”
Love you Littlelish, Nanny, Mum, Dad, Daddylish, J and G and the rest of my wonderful family (you are all included here!)