I’ve been approaching this weeks mammoth task with definite detachment. It is moving week and I get the keys to my new house tomorrow where Littlelish and I will be beginning a new chapter of our lives. It’s a big step into the unknown and yet somehow I’ve been managing to keep my nerves and emotions very much in check. Almost too much so.
I’m leaving, my husband, everything I have known since I was 20 and yet I feel calm. I’ve been packing boxes at an unhurried rate, no panicking or fretting, much to the dismay of friends and family “Are you actually ready to move??? It’s no small task packing up 10 years of your life into boxes, yet at the same time it is easy. It is just stuff, it goes into a box, hup… Plus, I can do it in whatever, disorganised fashion I want. It will only be me unpacking them at the other side.
Who knows maybe the fall out will come when I’m all alone in my new place, Littlelish is asleep and it is quiet. Or maybe, just maybe I will be fine. I’ve known this inevitable day has been a long time coming and perhaps I’m going to take it in my stride and embrace it, quiet time and all. This is after all my choice and my life.
Sometimes though, it is not your choice. While some couples may come to a mutual decision, often it is the wish of one and the other partner has no choice but to go along with it. No say or means to stop the separation.
And sometimes life is just cruel, making a choice for you when you least expect it. Today I read about an old friend who has just lost her husband and father to her 7 month old baby in the most tragic, shocking circumstances.
This moved me.
I felt so sad for this couple who wanted to spend their lives together, grow old together. I felt a sense of guilt and shame, leaving my husband when she has had her so cruelly snatched away from her… I’m sorry.
I remember that feeling well, it’s a strange one, isn’t it? You know how you *should* be feeling, but you just get on with it all?
You’re nearly there. Nearly at the start of being able to move on and get used to it being just you and your little lady. *hugs*
Marylin recently posted..Silent Sunday
Thank you so much Marylin! It has been a strange process but this week I finally feel like myself again, comfortable with my own company, happy in my place :) Things are going well so far xxxx
Luce, I love your words, how open and aware you are about your life, feelings and your decisions. You are being honest to yourself and to others, nothing like it! I wish you and Littlelish a great start together. My support from the otehr side of the world, and lots of love
Serrana
I have only just started reading your blog but I wanted to say that this move seems to be exactly what you want and your are very brave to embrace it all peacefully. Your friend losing her husband is in a tragic situation but don’t feel any guilt. Your story and hers are different and life very often decides for us in many ways. Good luck with your move and your new life! :)
Peggy recently posted..The colours of my Pinterest Feed
Thank you Peggy for a lovely comment :) I did feel a certain amount of guilt but know that you are indeed right, our story is totally different. My positivity and enthusiasm for life are keeping me brave xxx
Hugs. That’s all. x